Sometimes when the house is quiet and empty, as it is just now, I am allowed a few moments of clarity. Currently Gabriel isn't running around, slinging his sock and conquering whatever monster he has imagined. Diana isn't voicing her opinion to whatever inanimate object she has befriended. No Telemundo, no Youtube, no one "needs" me. Just quiet. Sweet, blessed quiet.
It is in these very rare moments of silence that clarity comes to me as an old friend. A rare visitor, it is in these moments of silent reflection that I come to see what was always right in front of me. As much as I think I give her credit, I am again reminded that my wife is a genius. Maybe I don't have any "proof" other than my own experience, but that is enough for me.
When it comes to love, there is such a thing as bad timing. I originally thought that the word was unrequited, but after checking the definition - that is not the right word to use. Searching an online thesaurus revealed a few words. "Unlucky" was common, as was "off." The romantic writer in me saw "inopportune moment" and "poor timing" and those sounded better.
Inopportune moment. Poor timing. Sigh. And painful ones at that. Is there more seemingly insurmountable than loving someone and they not love you back? Have you ever waited so long for something to happen, and it. just not.?
But I digress.
Almost 15 years ago, I met someone who I came to love very much. When I first heard her voice, she had no idea I was listening. Such sweetness, something so "dulce", and my heart grew ten times in size. We met after what seemed like an eternity. I cared for her and I believe she cared for me.
And while we frequently saw, called and wrote to each other, it would be eight years before we were physically close, living in the same area. Try as you might, however, you simply cannot "know" someone without seeing them. Human tendencies dictate we put our best foot forward, which is easy to do in a telephonic style relationship. Oftentimes you think you are sharing, developing some level of intimacy, only to realize as you look at them that you really know very little.
On the day she moved to be near me, I was elated. Hopes and dreams abounded as I imagined our future together. Well for a few years at least. Finally - all I had dreamed of, the plans we had made - it was happening!
Then reality dropped in with a loud thud!
Three months.
In just three months, she found the love of her life. In just three months, everything changed. And while there was some hope we could still continue our relationship, I knew at that moment, many years ago, that my life changed in a way I did not want it to. After waiting ten years, my new "reality" was devastating.
My friends and family were optimistic. Give it time, they said. So I hoped and prayed. But deep down I knew better. Her heart belonged to another.
And I was done for.
Over what would be the next few years, there were good times. We laughed together, cried together, and even had moments where it seemed we drew closer. But those feelings stayed on the surface, never truly growing roots. Eventually, frustration set in. Words exchanged, feelings hurt, and we spent much needed time apart before going past the point of no return.
In time, fences were mended. Today things are, well, amicable, Yet life doesn't work out the way we want it to. And as much as we want to change the past, we can only live in the present and hope for the future. God gives us that, and the quiet promise that He is in control.
It's just as they say - it's no one's fault. She simply met the man of her dreams. She fell in love.
And that, my friends, is that.
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