Boldness

Boldness (def). not hesitating or fearful in the face of actual or possible danger or rebuff; courageous and daring; 2. not hesitating to break the rules of propriety; forward; impudent

I don't consider myself a bold person.  If I were to judge myself, I'd say the real me was quieter, tends to disappear in big groups, and while intelligent, not prone to try and shove what I think and believe into the face of others.  Strong willed yes, belligerent, not so much.

However, looking at that second description of the definition of the word bold, and, well, I'd have to agree that I am bold.  I refuse to accept society's norms for many things whatever it may be.  I challenge you to think as well as confront in a loving way, always in an effort to educate and encourage.

Past that - I'm still learning.  Events over the last few days have surprised me, and I'm not sure how to engage them other than to simply trod along as best as I know how. As far as the specifics, well I'm hesitant to share them all.  I want this to develop as it should, without me guiding this too much, if you know what I mean.  Rather, I want to be guided and instructed, and see how it develops.  I know where I come from, know where I've been and to be honest, not too worried about where I'm going.  One of the great things about being older is that most of us know who we are; there comes a time in our lives when we realie that while we may grow, changing our core character traits isn't bound to happen to often. So if I've been tasked with this, then I shall do my best.

It's an area of my life that I've been dancing around for years.  Suspecting that something might come but not exactly sure in what form.  Even my wife has been surprised how the topic will raise it's head, only to disappear, as a tree that wants to bloom but not quite ready yet.  I've tried to be as ready as I can, and feel that in whatever avenue it may present itself to be willing, regardless of how big or small it may be.  

One day I may tell you the whole story of how this came to be.   Secretly I've been waiting for this, hoping that I would be ready when the time came.  Two days ago, I received a message so clear, that it shook me to my very core.  Two days have past, and the feeling has not disappeared, so deep the impression.  You may have received those messages - a moment when it seems the stars align, and signals you've received over time come together in alignment.  

Most importantly, though, is while I continue to grow, I will also continue to be sincere and real.  The nice part is that my friends who know me have to also love this side of me, and I in return have come to accept it.  So in the meantime, I wish you, the reader, all the blessing del cielo and in the midst of the storm, may you find peace and calm.

Precious Moments

As a father, you learn to capture those precious moments that present themselves at a moment's notice.  To me, they are so beautiful it's easy for me not to miss them.  So when Stephanie came to me and said "Daddy, would you like to play futbol (soccer) with me," of course I jumped at the chance.  Not sure why she doesn't ask more, so when she does, I like to drop everything I'm doing to go, because I rather enjoy it :)

One thing about getting older is that I both see and think things I've not experienced before.  I see family resemblances more pronounced in both the faces of parents and children alike.  When I look at pictures from centuries ago, I not only realize they have lived the full measure of their lives, but find myself wondering what their daily routine was.  What was it like to live life before computers, technology, HDTV's and FIOS.  And similarly, I've thought more about the end of life experience then ever before.  I guess it's because I feel more fully engaged with life, understanding the age cycle and seeing it more and more in the lives of others around me.

Living in this house has stirred similar feelings.  Having a wood stove and maintaining it makes us less dependent on current comforts and more on the sweat of our brows.  It is a balance that is maintained daily and a battle constantly fought, and our sense of accomplishment is rewarded in the smaller things..   This is how our ancestors who came before us lived.  By the sweat of their brow, by the fruits of their land, and the goodness of the neighbors around them.

So here I was surrounded by these elements and these feelings, making memories.  It was a beautiful night - 50 degree weather, the smell of burning wood and the rustling of leaves were all around us. As the night quickly fell, there we were kicking the ball, smiling, laughing, a close to a great weekend.