Christmas is on the way

Anyone that knows me knows that this time of year is my absolute favorite.  From the first chill in the air, to the smell of burning wood in the outdoors; from the smell of food stuffs in the kitchen to the lights, I love it all.  And on the rare chance that I get to take a break from work I love to go to the malls and check out future purchases.

This year though I've been able to appreciate it through the eyes of a father for the very first time.  Granted Steph was with us last year, but only 6 months old at the time.  I was still stumbling around as a new father, and it went by so quickly.  But this year is definitely different.  I can see more of her personality and her smile. And what a blessing that has been. 

You see, I've always believed that we are created in His image, and furthermore I believe that there are character traits that we have inherited from Him.  For example, when looking at your children, have you ever wondered how much He loves us?  How He must look at us, stare upon our faces the same way we do with our spouses in wonderment and with an everlasting love?

Before I go to work in the morning, I make it a point to go to Steph's crib.  I like to talk to her a few minutes and rub her stomach or caress her face to feel her one last time before I go.   I tell her I love her and I miss her and that I will see her soon. And with a deep breath, I leave - immediately looking forward to my return.

I imagine God is the same way with us.  Granted He has a lot more to look in on than I do, but I believe the feelings are the same, only, well, more perfect.  I imagine He feels for us very much like I do, when i stand by her crib and watch her sleep, the motion of her stomach rising and falling.  I stare at her face and notice the form of her lips, exactly like mine - my daughter.  An immensely strong and powerful loves swells inside of me, unlike I have ever known before.  Here she is my child, made in my image with many of my character traits (both good and bad). It not only brings a smile to my face but a knowing that I have that same relationship with Him that brings both peace and comfort.

Joseph's Lullaby - an excellent song for Christmas by MercyMe.  A song  that would cause me to tear up as I imagined Joseph's love for that child, not of his blood but God made.  And now as a father, I can't even put into words what that song means to me.  So I won't even try . . .  But wow, is it a powerful song . . .

Fortysomething

Today is December 5th, 2011.  Exactly one month from today I will be 40.  Society will say that I've reached the moment that "everything is downhill from here."  There's even jokes, cliche's and themes to celebrate this birthday. Even more popular are the catchphrases.  60 is the new 40, and so on.

I've thought about this day off and on for the last 6 months.  I though't I'd feel trepidation, fear and sadness.  I'd thought I feel anxiety and a feeling of discontent having encountered a midlife crisis.  I won't lie to you - when compared to the first 20 years of my life, well the second twenty flew.  I mean like the roadrunnder .  Maybe it's just older age that I can't remember as much, but wow. the last thing I remember, I was working in the food business, was dating someone I'd known for years and thinking about marrying. That was almost 6 years ago and yet it doesn't feel that way.

After a turbulent start that led through my younger adult years, I can honestly tell you that life doesn't get any better.  In fact, my wife and I were talking about that very point last night.  We've been doing this just long enough to understand which fights are brought on by the stress of loved ones far away, the anger brought on by sheer exhaustion of being full time workers and full time parents.  We've been blessed to know and realize what the real problems are aside from the frustrations of life.  We've both sat at work thought of our kids, and just smiled dopishly, anticipating the next "story" that awaits us.  It's so. much. fun.

No, I don't dread my 40th birthday because I don't feel 40.  I don't feel old at all.  Out of shape, yes, but we can fix that and we just might.  I see the blogs of several old friends, of running the race and I'm inspired to walk myself.  But I dont' feel old at all.  I love my life, and my wife, and my kids.  I wake up every day and I can't wait to see what we are going to share that day.  I pillow my head, sad that the day is over, but eagerly awaiting for the next set of memories.

What's more - 40 is a number, especially in the light of eternity.  40 compared to forever - think about that one.  Sure it'll scare you at first.  We're finite creatures.  I know if i try to wrap my head around time never ending, I feel like my brain is going to explode and it freaks me out that I struggle to comprehend it.  But then my faith kicks in and I remember it only gets better from here :)