Anyone that knows me knows that this time of year is my absolute favorite. From the first chill in the air, to the smell of burning wood in the outdoors; from the smell of food stuffs in the kitchen to the lights, I love it all. And on the rare chance that I get to take a break from work I love to go to the malls and check out future purchases.
This year though I've been able to appreciate it through the eyes of a father for the very first time. Granted Steph was with us last year, but only 6 months old at the time. I was still stumbling around as a new father, and it went by so quickly. But this year is definitely different. I can see more of her personality and her smile. And what a blessing that has been.
You see, I've always believed that we are created in His image, and furthermore I believe that there are character traits that we have inherited from Him. For example, when looking at your children, have you ever wondered how much He loves us? How He must look at us, stare upon our faces the same way we do with our spouses in wonderment and with an everlasting love?
Before I go to work in the morning, I make it a point to go to Steph's crib. I like to talk to her a few minutes and rub her stomach or caress her face to feel her one last time before I go. I tell her I love her and I miss her and that I will see her soon. And with a deep breath, I leave - immediately looking forward to my return.
I imagine God is the same way with us. Granted He has a lot more to look in on than I do, but I believe the feelings are the same, only, well, more perfect. I imagine He feels for us very much like I do, when i stand by her crib and watch her sleep, the motion of her stomach rising and falling. I stare at her face and notice the form of her lips, exactly like mine - my daughter. An immensely strong and powerful loves swells inside of me, unlike I have ever known before. Here she is my child, made in my image with many of my character traits (both good and bad). It not only brings a smile to my face but a knowing that I have that same relationship with Him that brings both peace and comfort.
Joseph's Lullaby - an excellent song for Christmas by MercyMe. A song that would cause me to tear up as I imagined Joseph's love for that child, not of his blood but God made. And now as a father, I can't even put into words what that song means to me. So I won't even try . . . But wow, is it a powerful song . . .
Friday, December 9, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
Fortysomething
Today is December 5th, 2011. Exactly one month from today I will be 40. Society will say that I've reached the moment that "everything is downhill from here." There's even jokes, cliche's and themes to celebrate this birthday. Even more popular are the catchphrases. 60 is the new 40, and so on.
I've thought about this day off and on for the last 6 months. I though't I'd feel trepidation, fear and sadness. I'd thought I feel anxiety and a feeling of discontent having encountered a midlife crisis. I won't lie to you - when compared to the first 20 years of my life, well the second twenty flew. I mean like the roadrunnder . Maybe it's just older age that I can't remember as much, but wow. the last thing I remember, I was working in the food business, was dating someone I'd known for years and thinking about marrying. That was almost 6 years ago and yet it doesn't feel that way.
After a turbulent start that led through my younger adult years, I can honestly tell you that life doesn't get any better. In fact, my wife and I were talking about that very point last night. We've been doing this just long enough to understand which fights are brought on by the stress of loved ones far away, the anger brought on by sheer exhaustion of being full time workers and full time parents. We've been blessed to know and realize what the real problems are aside from the frustrations of life. We've both sat at work thought of our kids, and just smiled dopishly, anticipating the next "story" that awaits us. It's so. much. fun.
No, I don't dread my 40th birthday because I don't feel 40. I don't feel old at all. Out of shape, yes, but we can fix that and we just might. I see the blogs of several old friends, of running the race and I'm inspired to walk myself. But I dont' feel old at all. I love my life, and my wife, and my kids. I wake up every day and I can't wait to see what we are going to share that day. I pillow my head, sad that the day is over, but eagerly awaiting for the next set of memories.
What's more - 40 is a number, especially in the light of eternity. 40 compared to forever - think about that one. Sure it'll scare you at first. We're finite creatures. I know if i try to wrap my head around time never ending, I feel like my brain is going to explode and it freaks me out that I struggle to comprehend it. But then my faith kicks in and I remember it only gets better from here :)
I've thought about this day off and on for the last 6 months. I though't I'd feel trepidation, fear and sadness. I'd thought I feel anxiety and a feeling of discontent having encountered a midlife crisis. I won't lie to you - when compared to the first 20 years of my life, well the second twenty flew. I mean like the roadrunnder . Maybe it's just older age that I can't remember as much, but wow. the last thing I remember, I was working in the food business, was dating someone I'd known for years and thinking about marrying. That was almost 6 years ago and yet it doesn't feel that way.
After a turbulent start that led through my younger adult years, I can honestly tell you that life doesn't get any better. In fact, my wife and I were talking about that very point last night. We've been doing this just long enough to understand which fights are brought on by the stress of loved ones far away, the anger brought on by sheer exhaustion of being full time workers and full time parents. We've been blessed to know and realize what the real problems are aside from the frustrations of life. We've both sat at work thought of our kids, and just smiled dopishly, anticipating the next "story" that awaits us. It's so. much. fun.
No, I don't dread my 40th birthday because I don't feel 40. I don't feel old at all. Out of shape, yes, but we can fix that and we just might. I see the blogs of several old friends, of running the race and I'm inspired to walk myself. But I dont' feel old at all. I love my life, and my wife, and my kids. I wake up every day and I can't wait to see what we are going to share that day. I pillow my head, sad that the day is over, but eagerly awaiting for the next set of memories.
What's more - 40 is a number, especially in the light of eternity. 40 compared to forever - think about that one. Sure it'll scare you at first. We're finite creatures. I know if i try to wrap my head around time never ending, I feel like my brain is going to explode and it freaks me out that I struggle to comprehend it. But then my faith kicks in and I remember it only gets better from here :)
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Six Degrees of Separation
I've always wondered about this theory until a few weeks ago. Nver seen the movie, but the idea has stuck with me and I've wondered about it from time to time. I figured, though, that with all my travels and the people I had met in my life that six degrees was cutting it way too close.
I have a handful of folks as "friends" in Facebook. I had over 300 at one time, but felt that to be too much. Do I know that many people, yes. Do i really want to work so hard at it as to keep up with all their updates, no. So I took a bunch of them off. Not because I don't like them -- it was just too much work.
Their are a few I haven't seen since college yet I've kept as friends. I think the biggest reason for that is I've found them interesting. Can't put my finger on it, but each one has something i think is really cool. For example, there's one who is married and has childredn. I've been just amazed at his love for his kids. His wife writes about it alot, and I don't know - just that I've always wanted to be a great dad. And seeing someone else do it, well, I thought it was pretty cool.
Anyhoo, from time to time I'll look through my friends friends, just to see if they know someone random that i know. And of them does. And wow, i was so not expecting this. You ever have a relationship with a member of the opposite sex that just crashed? Yeah I've had one or two. Anyway this girl's sister was a friend of an old interest of mine. Can you say 4 degrees of separation?
Wife and baby are gone out tonight. Listening to swing music - nice quiet house. That is except for the music :)
I have a handful of folks as "friends" in Facebook. I had over 300 at one time, but felt that to be too much. Do I know that many people, yes. Do i really want to work so hard at it as to keep up with all their updates, no. So I took a bunch of them off. Not because I don't like them -- it was just too much work.
Their are a few I haven't seen since college yet I've kept as friends. I think the biggest reason for that is I've found them interesting. Can't put my finger on it, but each one has something i think is really cool. For example, there's one who is married and has childredn. I've been just amazed at his love for his kids. His wife writes about it alot, and I don't know - just that I've always wanted to be a great dad. And seeing someone else do it, well, I thought it was pretty cool.
Anyhoo, from time to time I'll look through my friends friends, just to see if they know someone random that i know. And of them does. And wow, i was so not expecting this. You ever have a relationship with a member of the opposite sex that just crashed? Yeah I've had one or two. Anyway this girl's sister was a friend of an old interest of mine. Can you say 4 degrees of separation?
Wife and baby are gone out tonight. Listening to swing music - nice quiet house. That is except for the music :)
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Parenthood
I was one of the fortunate ones, depending on how you look at it. Even though we are in the process of adoption, my wife and I decided we wanted a baby of our own. Needless to say there wasn't a whole lot of waiting and my wife was pregnant.
For those of who who've actually met my wife, they know she's about 5'8" compared to my 6'3" frame. To say it was a tough pregnancy would be an understatement. She was nauseous the entire term and our daughter was born in June of 2010 at 8 pounds and over 21 inches long. Friends try to describe what parenthood's like. And as you know, until you've had children of your own, such descriptions pale in comparison to the real thing.
As I've mentioned before my wife and I work alot. We've been blessed with special situations in our life and are being used to help meet the needs of others. Yet no matter how many hours we work, Stephanie is waiting for us and we are so glad she is. What a joy! We have this special thing we do, where when we come home, we yell "hehey!" and raise our hands up in the air. I've wanted her to learn that we're excited to see her EVERY TIME. Now when we get home, Stephanie's running around the house doing the same thing. We'll be dog tired on the bed, and she'll come crashing in the room and say something like "Hey!" and raise her little left hand in the air. It's the coolest thing.
Maybe a little crazy, but i've always dreamed of creating a home that's fun, that's a refuge for my family, kind of a way to shelter themselves when the world is too cruel. A place where they can bring their friends and feel comfortable. But most important of all, a home that they know they are very special and very much loved. A home where they want to be, rather than feel they have to be.
And we're loving it. We may not have everything we want, but we're content with what we have been given, and for that I am grateful. Thanksgiving is 2 weeks away and I love cooking for it. In my mind I've begun to tick off all the things I'm grateful for. A loving wife, and awesome daughter, family abroad sorely missed. My mouth is watering with images of website and youtube videos of new recipes. I can't wait to see stephanie really enjoying her first thanksgiving dinner. Maybe she'll fling the peas, or throw the mashed potatoes. And you know what, i really won't care, as long as she's having fun :)
The wife is working tonight. a double shift for her. Steffie doesn't want to sleep until Mommie's here, but she's going to tucker out and crash anyway. It's cute and a little sad. When mommy's not here, she wanders the house and pouts. My wife was so awesome during her pregnancy. It was tough, but even through all the pain, she lovingly rubbed her stomach and talked to our child, well we both did. And the blessings that we've reaped from that, i can't even begin to express our joy.
I hope you have that joy. I hope that each and every day you do something that others might consider a little crazy to bring that much more fun into your house. After all, home is where the heart is.
For those of who who've actually met my wife, they know she's about 5'8" compared to my 6'3" frame. To say it was a tough pregnancy would be an understatement. She was nauseous the entire term and our daughter was born in June of 2010 at 8 pounds and over 21 inches long. Friends try to describe what parenthood's like. And as you know, until you've had children of your own, such descriptions pale in comparison to the real thing.
As I've mentioned before my wife and I work alot. We've been blessed with special situations in our life and are being used to help meet the needs of others. Yet no matter how many hours we work, Stephanie is waiting for us and we are so glad she is. What a joy! We have this special thing we do, where when we come home, we yell "hehey!" and raise our hands up in the air. I've wanted her to learn that we're excited to see her EVERY TIME. Now when we get home, Stephanie's running around the house doing the same thing. We'll be dog tired on the bed, and she'll come crashing in the room and say something like "Hey!" and raise her little left hand in the air. It's the coolest thing.
Maybe a little crazy, but i've always dreamed of creating a home that's fun, that's a refuge for my family, kind of a way to shelter themselves when the world is too cruel. A place where they can bring their friends and feel comfortable. But most important of all, a home that they know they are very special and very much loved. A home where they want to be, rather than feel they have to be.
And we're loving it. We may not have everything we want, but we're content with what we have been given, and for that I am grateful. Thanksgiving is 2 weeks away and I love cooking for it. In my mind I've begun to tick off all the things I'm grateful for. A loving wife, and awesome daughter, family abroad sorely missed. My mouth is watering with images of website and youtube videos of new recipes. I can't wait to see stephanie really enjoying her first thanksgiving dinner. Maybe she'll fling the peas, or throw the mashed potatoes. And you know what, i really won't care, as long as she's having fun :)
The wife is working tonight. a double shift for her. Steffie doesn't want to sleep until Mommie's here, but she's going to tucker out and crash anyway. It's cute and a little sad. When mommy's not here, she wanders the house and pouts. My wife was so awesome during her pregnancy. It was tough, but even through all the pain, she lovingly rubbed her stomach and talked to our child, well we both did. And the blessings that we've reaped from that, i can't even begin to express our joy.
I hope you have that joy. I hope that each and every day you do something that others might consider a little crazy to bring that much more fun into your house. After all, home is where the heart is.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
1996
One of my favourite programs on my computer is Itunes. I've always been enamored with technology, and Itunes is no different. I love the program, love the hardware (RIP Steve), and love the fact that you can buy one song for 99 cents. The whole cd? No thank you, I'll just take the one song. Definitely appeals to my money saving side (that's a small side btw).
I feel that my diverse music collection is a perfect reflection of me. Sad part is for some reason I've thrown out as much music as I have. My collection (14gb) is modest and i love that i have music which ranges all over. Some days I'm in the mood for PM Dawn, other days Bach. A little Oakenfold, and yes even Skillet (where's my frying pan?) - I love it all.
Today I was listening to a disc called WOW 1996. It's a cd of the greatest Christian songs of that time. It's a nice throwback for me, having grown up on Michael W Smith, Amy Grant, Sandy Patty, Degarmo & Key, Carman and Petra just to name a few. You wanna talk about memories? LOL. And then it hit me - 1996 was 15 years ago. My first year out of college - sigh - what an experience that was.
College had been awesome - hanging with the boys, running courts until they closed the gym down. Having fun at the beach, playing GULF BREEZE, baby. I remember one discussion around the table where we talked about who we'd thought we'd be in 10 years, then went around and talked about what our kids would look like. Working in Food Service, the friends in made - unreal.
And then I graduated, got out into the world and never felt more lost in my life. I was supposed to know which way I was going. After all I had a college degree to prove that, didn't I? Having finished some of the greatest years of my life, wasn't I on the path to happiness?
That first year out was a harsh reality for me. Wasn't anyone's fault, just something I went through. Here I was, going from a place I loved with alot of friends to the middle of Nowhere, OH. Only people I knew was a couple I was acquainted with at college. What a wakeup call that was. Never in my life did the world seem so big. But as He always has, God came through big for me. Not just that year, but every year since then.
Those are some great memories. And now here I am. Doing something completely different than what i studied for. Married, 3 kids, and a job I love and a family I wouldn't trade for the world.
Funny thing about life - never works out the way you planned. And for that I am thankful. Turns out I didn't know as much as I thought I did :)
I feel that my diverse music collection is a perfect reflection of me. Sad part is for some reason I've thrown out as much music as I have. My collection (14gb) is modest and i love that i have music which ranges all over. Some days I'm in the mood for PM Dawn, other days Bach. A little Oakenfold, and yes even Skillet (where's my frying pan?) - I love it all.
Today I was listening to a disc called WOW 1996. It's a cd of the greatest Christian songs of that time. It's a nice throwback for me, having grown up on Michael W Smith, Amy Grant, Sandy Patty, Degarmo & Key, Carman and Petra just to name a few. You wanna talk about memories? LOL. And then it hit me - 1996 was 15 years ago. My first year out of college - sigh - what an experience that was.
College had been awesome - hanging with the boys, running courts until they closed the gym down. Having fun at the beach, playing GULF BREEZE, baby. I remember one discussion around the table where we talked about who we'd thought we'd be in 10 years, then went around and talked about what our kids would look like. Working in Food Service, the friends in made - unreal.
And then I graduated, got out into the world and never felt more lost in my life. I was supposed to know which way I was going. After all I had a college degree to prove that, didn't I? Having finished some of the greatest years of my life, wasn't I on the path to happiness?
That first year out was a harsh reality for me. Wasn't anyone's fault, just something I went through. Here I was, going from a place I loved with alot of friends to the middle of Nowhere, OH. Only people I knew was a couple I was acquainted with at college. What a wakeup call that was. Never in my life did the world seem so big. But as He always has, God came through big for me. Not just that year, but every year since then.
Those are some great memories. And now here I am. Doing something completely different than what i studied for. Married, 3 kids, and a job I love and a family I wouldn't trade for the world.
Funny thing about life - never works out the way you planned. And for that I am thankful. Turns out I didn't know as much as I thought I did :)
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Stars
So my job - well, I love my job. At some point when I run out of things to talk about (haha), I will tell you how I got the job. But not yet. Anyway, my wife and I both work, so we're used to getting up early. Like 4-5 am early. Trust me it's not always easy.
But this time of the year, I love it. Stepping out into the morning at 5:00 am, it's still dark out, and this morning was just awesome. I put the key into our minivan to warm the egine, and on my way back into the house, I stopped and looked up. Wow. I'd forgotten how beautiful and clear the sky can be this time of the year. It was breathtaking. And then I saw the stars, found myself quickly looking for the "dippers".
Reminded me of the song "Stars." It's one of my favorite songs from Les Miserables. I love this soundtrack. I think had things been different growing up, I would have been in the drama department as a kid. I would have sung and been in the school play. Remembering that song, and the crisp air for the fall morning - wow. What a great start to the weekend.
But i digress :) If you're not familiar with the play/movie/musical, you really should check it out. I would encourage you to stay away from the movie, though. The movie is okay, but there's so much more I get out of the musical. It's completely engaging. You'll find yourself singing along, your chest swelled with pride - you'll feel you're actually part of the revolution. I have the original cast recording, and love it. Saw the 25th anniversary special on PBS and LOVED it. Which reminds me I need to buy the DVD :) Thanks for reminding me.
Stars is such a powerful song. Javert has just missed Valjean, a "criminal" and as I listen to the song, I can't help but feel sorry for Javert. IMO, He has always known the "law" side of life that it made him miss the "beauty of life" But I love the song, and sooo many others. Now, back to work.
But this time of the year, I love it. Stepping out into the morning at 5:00 am, it's still dark out, and this morning was just awesome. I put the key into our minivan to warm the egine, and on my way back into the house, I stopped and looked up. Wow. I'd forgotten how beautiful and clear the sky can be this time of the year. It was breathtaking. And then I saw the stars, found myself quickly looking for the "dippers".
Reminded me of the song "Stars." It's one of my favorite songs from Les Miserables. I love this soundtrack. I think had things been different growing up, I would have been in the drama department as a kid. I would have sung and been in the school play. Remembering that song, and the crisp air for the fall morning - wow. What a great start to the weekend.
But i digress :) If you're not familiar with the play/movie/musical, you really should check it out. I would encourage you to stay away from the movie, though. The movie is okay, but there's so much more I get out of the musical. It's completely engaging. You'll find yourself singing along, your chest swelled with pride - you'll feel you're actually part of the revolution. I have the original cast recording, and love it. Saw the 25th anniversary special on PBS and LOVED it. Which reminds me I need to buy the DVD :) Thanks for reminding me.
Stars is such a powerful song. Javert has just missed Valjean, a "criminal" and as I listen to the song, I can't help but feel sorry for Javert. IMO, He has always known the "law" side of life that it made him miss the "beauty of life" But I love the song, and sooo many others. Now, back to work.
Blogs vs. Diaries
So I haven't been on here in a while. Trust me, it's not that I don't have anything to write about, because I do. Lots. It's just I wasn't sure what direction i want to go. So I've decided to be mildly unbridled (points for a big word) in this blog.
If you think that means shocking, then no that's not what I mean. I'm just going to blog and hopefully one day it will come to me. There's so much that hits me in one day, it's all I can do to keep it inside. But working full time and being daddy in the best family EVER - well that keeps me busy. That and Warcraft :)
And the worst part about it, is that an idea will pop up, and I'll find I have a lot to say about it. But the times that the idea appears is like the WORST. I never have any time at that very moment to write about it. Yes, i tried the "write it down" but when I come back to it later, inspiration has passed me by. If anyone (assuming someone actually reads this blog) has any ideas, I'd definitely be open to them.
Then on top of that, trying to figure out the style of the blog. Is it a whipping post for the latest hot topics? Is it more like a diary, when only the bravest of souls bare their souls to the world? Actually that just made me laugh. Why is it i think (or would even want) the world reading my blog? I'm sure they have something better to do.
Well, time will figure this out. I'm having way too much fun to stress out about it now.
If you think that means shocking, then no that's not what I mean. I'm just going to blog and hopefully one day it will come to me. There's so much that hits me in one day, it's all I can do to keep it inside. But working full time and being daddy in the best family EVER - well that keeps me busy. That and Warcraft :)
And the worst part about it, is that an idea will pop up, and I'll find I have a lot to say about it. But the times that the idea appears is like the WORST. I never have any time at that very moment to write about it. Yes, i tried the "write it down" but when I come back to it later, inspiration has passed me by. If anyone (assuming someone actually reads this blog) has any ideas, I'd definitely be open to them.
Then on top of that, trying to figure out the style of the blog. Is it a whipping post for the latest hot topics? Is it more like a diary, when only the bravest of souls bare their souls to the world? Actually that just made me laugh. Why is it i think (or would even want) the world reading my blog? I'm sure they have something better to do.
Well, time will figure this out. I'm having way too much fun to stress out about it now.
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