Family

I'm going to do and be something that I don't usually do and that's be bold.  This blog is going to be different.  I've spent the last year and 3 months trying to write what would people wanted to read.  I've quietly wondered who reads my blogs, and became so discouraged when readership was low, that I actually quit for a while.

You see I grew up in a conservative home, one whose inward goings on definitely did not match what was shown on Sunday morning.  The challenging part with emotional scars is that they aren't visible, but oftentimes the effects are.  I was trained to be a certain way and all the way to college and beyond, I tried to fit in a mold.  And that's what I expected from both myself and my writing.

But I'm not that person.  And at the age of 40 I've grown tired and I'm done.  So I've changed the name of the blog to what I enjoy and my thoughts here will continue to be realistic.  The difference is that my aim is not to be somebody or gain readership, it's simply to give you a look into my life.

If there's one thing I've learned, is that othersmore like me.  Children who were abused growing up, physically and emotionally, and worse.  We grew up in a time where divorce was not quite yet normal, and we struggled to show our identity.  We struggled so hard to be liked by those in power over us, and yet never quite measured up.

The beauty of today's society is that it's tired of fake, it's tired of the same routine.  They are finished with the "Do as I say, not as I do."  And I love it.  Today's world is about being real, and not about following the company line.

Is the change in this blog a sort of New Year's resolution?  Maybe.  Is it permanent?  God, I sure hope so.

The picture at the top of this blog is of my extended family in Chiapas, Mexico.  My wife is from Mexico and she has alot of family from there.  Many of you might have visited Cancun, or Cabos, or Monterrey - this is different.  You see, the parts I'm used to are the poor parts.  Where the air conditioning is natural, with fans move the warm air around.  Water comes to the house in a very small tube, and major construction is often done with dynamite.  Work is hard to come by and you work 60 hours a week for about $30.

According to our country's standards, our family is poor.  Tables are drawn out to the street for ventilation and light, plastic lawn chairs are their form of dinner seating, and kitchen knives are used as can openers.  Indoor plumbing in the kitchen is a luxury, sanitation a fight to maintain, and the power can go at a moment's notice.

If I close my eyes, I can hear the little town's "news" on the car driving by, being shouted through a mounted magaphone.  I see the scrawny dogs in the streets, staring at me with sad eyes because there is no food.  And the stares, while friendly, are always there.  A big white blond guy in the middle of so many Hispanics - it's definitely alot of fun.

And because I've seen this first hand, that's why this picture is so poignant to me.  It's my nephew's birthday.  His mother died a long time ago, and his father abandoned him.  He lives with my inlaws, and is one of the family.  Some may see this picture and see poverty or inconvenience or even feel sorry for them. 

Yet here I see love and support - sharing whatever you have with those who have less, where it is a blanket or a warm meal.  In our part of town no one is lonely on Christmas, because the neighbors ensure that those with nothing enjoy at least one day with someone.  It's amazing - in the poorest of houses, i have seen the richest families.  Rich beyond wealth, because they value their family and their love much more material possession.  I see this picture and I miss them very much . . .



 

Happy New Year

Before embracing a new year, i must stop if but for a second to reflect on this past year.  Facebook has a year in review of all the different things that you posted, friends you added or pictures you took over the last year.  I ran mine, and it, well, seemed a bit empty.

I've decided it worthless to attempt to summarize this past year in a mere collage of "things."  It was so much more than that, and the new year hasn't even started yet.  I find myself absolutely excited to embrace the new year.  So much will happen, I just know it.  But first the review.

This year started out quiet, but with alot of learning and growing.  As some of you may or may not know, i'm in the processing of bringing over my wife's daugthers.  It is a complicated process, and has already taken too much time for the first one then I could have ever anticipated.  The moment you think you're done, there's another form to file, another hole to explain.  Trust me I would have started much earlier had I known.

I've learned you have to constantly follow up with Immigration, even though they do their best, because they are so many immigrants who want to be here.  I've learned so much about the process as a whole and unfortunately I've had to learn so much on the fly . . . .

The summer was simply fantastic.  Went to Ocean City with the family and it was awesome.  So much so we're going back.  Not so much for the scenery but just to be together.  Then late summer came, and we had to move out.  Misunderstandings and alot of unexpected expenses followed, and relationships were strained with the change and the heat.

But then the fall came.  As the leaves and the temperature began to fall, so did the tension.  And the love and the peace that we'd longed for so returned.  And ever since then it has been fantastic. It seemed to go so well . . .

Then once again Death's hand touched my family.  My grandmother, aged 90, went home.  The matriarch of our family, the rock had slipped from our lives quietly.  Yet the hole it left was tremendous.  A constant encourager, and a ready smile she was fantastic.

I can still hear her voice and will so for many years to come.  But I know she's in a better place .  And someday I will see her again soon.