HE

HE


 he wants to destroy me; HE chose to save me

 he hates everything I represent; HE loves me in spite of all I was and am

 he attempts to hinder my path; HE provides His word as a lamp to my feet

 he constantly reminds me of my past mistakes; HE forgave my sin once and for all

 he seeks to rob me of my joy; HE provides joy in abundance

 he is full of hate and spite; HE is LOVE

Full Circle

Gas - Edward Hopper

Current Music Mood - Thirteen - Big Star


Should I really be surprised when things come full circle.  When prayers are answered and, after
seeming what was the longest of waits, things are as they were before?

It's been five weeks at the new job, and I feel the circle is complete.  Had some old friends over a week ago and we were watching videos taken almost ten years ago of construction we were doing in Mexico.

Before our current situation, the wife and I had planned out our future.  In an effort for this family to finally be together, we'd make our home in Mexico.  I'd find work as a teacher/translator and we'd build our home somewhere in the Yucatan peninsula, where our two oldest girls lived.  We thought about buying a house, but realized it would be easier (and cheaper) to simply put a second floor on the house in Yucatan.  Construction started, we'd made alot of progress and in 2009 things were moving along.

I know I've said this before, but life is truly amazing.  Now at the riper old age of 47, I can see the past and God's timing in it all.  Where I'd see the momentary stoppage/failure/change, I now see the provisions.  And I am amazed.

As I watched the video with my friends, my senses were piqued.  I closed my eyes and heard the birds chirping, the motos driving by our house on the way to market, and the house slowly warming as the sun rose.  I remember the warmth of the tortillas, the small of Zote filling the kitchen and sound of sandals shuffling along the floor.  Why had it been so long?

Not all houses have stoves ;)

Then I remembered.  Mari and I were expecting that same year (2009).  In 2010, we'd learn that our two oldest could come here, and everything changed.  Plans, the future, our hopes and dreams - everything.  So construction would be put on hold.  Money, time, and efforts were needed elsewhere.

But it would stop there.  Three months after our second child emigrated to the US, companies were acquired and my work situation changed drastically.  Over the next four years we'd suffer, and not have as much as we'd had before, or were used to.  I took jobs based on need rather than desire, but it was okay because we were altogether. But I couldn't get ahead.

Then, doors began to open.  Visas acquired, then we bought a house.  One thing led to another, and before I knew it I was back in the game.  A job that I enjoy with a company with endless potential. And it felt just like it did so many years ago.  Processes to improve, issues to handle - my surgical, almost archaeological type investigations unearthing what was previously hidden.  In the last 2-3 weeks, I've thought and dreamed of that old job so many times.  I feel at home.

Several weeks ago, we received current photos of our future home/floor plan.  Time hasn't been kind.  And with a father-in  law and a new pacemaker who now keeps our future home "warm",  the strings of our heart were tugged once again as we saw the disrepair.  Living in the land of the plenty, now being blessed as we were before arrangements have been made to continue the construction.

Amazing where technology is now.  Ten years ago, we burned dvds in our Sony Handy cam.  Now, videos are instantly sent across the Atlantic via cellular airwaves.  We can see real time updates as the flooring is installed, the tile is laid, and the painting is applied.  It's costly, but we are grateful to have what lacked before.

My sister-in-law sent me a video.  I heard the mariachi song play, the same bird chirped and I could hear the humming of life, just as it's been every time I've visited.  Yet in the quickest of moments, I saw something that would completely yank my heart.

It was the moment my father in law was sitting on the edge of his bed, seeing his "updated" surroundings.  It's as he is taking it all in, absolutely amazed at what he sees.  I've heard how hard life has been for him - extreme poverty, the loss of his wife, separation from several of his children due to economical hardships.  And now he has - this. Tears came to my eyes. I'm not rich in financial terms, but i have been blessed with love and the greatest of families.Ad now, after several years of hardship and suffering, I am finally able to share that with someone in need.  It is breathtaking, awe inspiring, and humbling in the quickest of seconds.  Never could have imagined it, am eternally grateful for it, and I can't wait for next opportunity.

Summer's Ending

Walking in the evening light, dark clouds rolling in . . . .

The humidity hangs thick in the air tonight

As the long summer comes to an end.

I walk the streets, through the stores,

looking at the final sales of summer.

Fall is coming, colder nights to hold

that very special someone closer.

Stop.

Breathe the moment in.  They go so fast.

Enjoy it.  Drink it in as you might a fine wine.

Summer is fading right before your eyes.

Mine was full of memories, many happy but a few of them not so.

Where did the time go?  Redeem it, lest you miss

the blessings right before you.

I close my eyes and reflect on these last three months

I am so blessed.

A new journey has begun, just in time for the best time of the year.

My old life has begun again,

and I am thrilled to be right here.

Well that didn't take long . . . .

It was much harder last time around.  Seven months of no work takes its toll.

When ASG closed down, it was very hard professionally.  I struggled trying to find my way.  The last couple of years were both rewarding and challenging.  Professionally, I've worked a miracle or two (with the help of others), and overcome some really tough times.

Realizing things were coming to an end, I hit the internet to see what was needed for the next stage.  I came across an article which mentioned the leading skill needed in today's job market (which is very competitive if you've not noticed). 

The skill? Resilience.  That's right - resilience.  Not a computer programming skill - not a fad, or the latest gimmick/shortcut.

Resilience.

Having played PVP in Warcraft, I was familiar with the concept.  You get knocked down, you get back up, and every time you are knocked down, you get back up.  Easy? Never.  But to survive in today's job market, you need resilience.

So I applied. and applied. and applied.

You want rejection?  Change jobs.  You want even more rejection?  Change professions, even industries.

My wife probably thought I was crazy.  But I remembered that internet article.  Perseverance and resiliency.

I brushed off the first one hundred rejections.  I'd been here before.  So one hundred wasn't bad.

Couple of calls.  I'd get excited but not too excited because I knew what to expect.  Then I hit two hundred applications.  Again, no problem.  "Familiar territory" I said.

Then I hit three hundred.  I changed my resume.  Even paid someone almost $200 to update it, to show my skill set in a way I couldn't. Still nothing.  I began to question, even began to lose a little faith.

I knew what many were thinking.  They saw the multiple positions in different industries.  Several couldn't believe I didn't want to be a GM again - "are you sure you want to make that leap?" one said. Even when I said yes, they struggled to believe.

But I knew what I needed.  M-F, 8-5. One that wouldn't call me at 4 am when the machine breaks, or wouldn't text me saying they couldn't come to work, and I'd work two-three positions at once.  One where we were losing good people left and right because they couldn't afford to work with us anymore.

Don't get me wrong.  My current employer is a good company to work for.  But after the sale, it just wasn't the same anymore.  More so when I had to move.

Then I hit four hundred applications and more rejections.  I emailed the guy I'd paid and said I'd made a mistake.  I lost hope. How do I fix?

Resilience.  I held on with my fingertips but I could feel it slipping.  Looking up at the heavens I squinted and wondered if God had forgotten something.  Or better yet, someone.

But as they say, it's always darkest before the dawn.  I went to sleep that night restless, a little depressed. I was still employed, but how much longer would I last?

Out of all those applications, 30 contacts. multiple phone interviews.  Yet only THREE face to face interviews.

But it only takes one . . .

At 8 a.m. the next morning a phone call comes.  we talk, the one not wanting to waste the other's time.  It goes better than either of us expected, and an interview is set up for that Monday.  Which is then rescheduled when my morning manager quits. Sigh.

Smelling like food and shortening, I rush to the interview the next day completely overdressed.  Again we talk, this time for 2.5 hours.  No promises are made, and it's clear there are others they are interviewing.  But in that conversation, I met an individual who I respected.  And if given the opportunity, could really learn from.  We finished at if he calls, it's a go.  If I get an email, thanks for applying but . . . . .

Hopes are raised, then tempered.  Again, I've walked the road before.  Resilience. Patience. Perseverance. 10 days pass.  Then, on an off day with the family, I get that call at 8 am.  Still, more hurdles to overcome.

Checks are made and passed.  Today, I received the final approval.

And I believe I'm one of the the lucky ones.  My interviewer is really good, you see.  He was able to not just see titles, but job skills, transferable skills at that.  He said things to me during that interview, that even though I'd just met him, almost believed he'd known me for some time.  I'm not often impressed in an interview, but i was in a bit of awe.

And now, here I am. Happy, elated for the new opportunity. Nostalgic of course. Customers I've gotten to know. Friendships made, lessons taught and learned, memories of great times together.  People who I love and care about, I now must leave in the hands of others. Sadness at the thought of passing the torch, and of friends moving on and away.

To each and every one of you - thank you.  I can not put into words what you've meant to me.

I pause, soaking in the reality of the moment.  I breath a sigh of relief.  A job well done, even if not everyone sees it.  But it was extremely hard, almost took too much out of me.

And now, a new challenge.  One with many promises, a brighter future it seems.

Onward it is . . .

STAYCATION

Tomorrow's the last day of work before . . . staycation!

And I'm looking forward to it.  A time to break the routine, unplug, unwind, jam/rockout, cook, read.

You may be sitting inside the local Starbucks instead of racing through it, enjoying a cup of coffee.

Or inside Panera slowly eating food instead of stuffing my piehole faster than I can think so I can get back to work.

I'll even have time to catch up on a long overdue lunch/dinner with the man, the myth, the legend Christian Andal.

I will be doing lost of nothing and lots of everything.

Resting

Reflecting

Meditating

Sing my heart out

Chilling.

Cooking

Wining - the bottled kind.

A much needed and deserved break from a job where my boss really do care about their people.

And I know I"ll be back refreshed and ready for more.

One more (short) day before it begins.

Here's hoping the snow doesn't jack it up  . . . .

Peace!