Monday, December 5, 2011

Fortysomething

Today is December 5th, 2011.  Exactly one month from today I will be 40.  Society will say that I've reached the moment that "everything is downhill from here."  There's even jokes, cliche's and themes to celebrate this birthday. Even more popular are the catchphrases.  60 is the new 40, and so on.

I've thought about this day off and on for the last 6 months.  I though't I'd feel trepidation, fear and sadness.  I'd thought I feel anxiety and a feeling of discontent having encountered a midlife crisis.  I won't lie to you - when compared to the first 20 years of my life, well the second twenty flew.  I mean like the roadrunnder .  Maybe it's just older age that I can't remember as much, but wow. the last thing I remember, I was working in the food business, was dating someone I'd known for years and thinking about marrying. That was almost 6 years ago and yet it doesn't feel that way.

After a turbulent start that led through my younger adult years, I can honestly tell you that life doesn't get any better.  In fact, my wife and I were talking about that very point last night.  We've been doing this just long enough to understand which fights are brought on by the stress of loved ones far away, the anger brought on by sheer exhaustion of being full time workers and full time parents.  We've been blessed to know and realize what the real problems are aside from the frustrations of life.  We've both sat at work thought of our kids, and just smiled dopishly, anticipating the next "story" that awaits us.  It's so. much. fun.

No, I don't dread my 40th birthday because I don't feel 40.  I don't feel old at all.  Out of shape, yes, but we can fix that and we just might.  I see the blogs of several old friends, of running the race and I'm inspired to walk myself.  But I dont' feel old at all.  I love my life, and my wife, and my kids.  I wake up every day and I can't wait to see what we are going to share that day.  I pillow my head, sad that the day is over, but eagerly awaiting for the next set of memories.

What's more - 40 is a number, especially in the light of eternity.  40 compared to forever - think about that one.  Sure it'll scare you at first.  We're finite creatures.  I know if i try to wrap my head around time never ending, I feel like my brain is going to explode and it freaks me out that I struggle to comprehend it.  But then my faith kicks in and I remember it only gets better from here :)

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