Traitmarker Books

I find myself in the rarest of circumstances - at home alone.  Normally there are children at play, or televisions screaming, music blaring or the sounds of warrior vs paladin in the never ending pursuit for Azeroth.  There might be the burning of grease or the smells of freshly cooked whatever in the kitchen, saturating the air, the lighthearted banter of sisters catching up after time apart.

But not tonight.  The silence is literally deafening on this July 4th night, and I can feel the stress leaving my body as I write this.  Accompanied by good friends Teavana (orange blossom and youthberry - awesome combination either cold or hot) and my fan, I am allowed if but a few minutes to actually concentrate.  It feels weird :)  I almost don't know how to act or what to do.

Almost.  The air is muggy tonight, and at the risk of sounding unpatriotic, fireworks have lost their appeal.  I suppose the right thing to do is take the girls out to see them, but there is time for that yet.  For now, I turn to my old friend, my blog, for some much needed therapeutic release.

Tonight, I wanted to take a few minutes and get something off my chest that's been there for a while.  If any of you have read my posts, then you know of some of the struggles I have and continue to face.  One of the biggest consolations, though, in my fight with anxiety and some form of stress disorders, is the support that I've received.  You may also find it interesting that out of one of the major contributors of my stress/anxiety also came one of it's saviors, so to speak. His name is Robbie Grayson.

I don't remember when I first met Robbie on campus.  What I do remember though is I thought he was cool.  I knew he'd lived in Germany, and I was fascinated at folks who'd come abroad since at that time of my life, I'd never traveled.  Sometime over the next four years, he was a floor-leader.  A title reserved for those who were "in charge' of a floor.  Their responsibilities included ensuring their floor observed curfew, were in bed at night, had weekly floor meetings.  The biggest thing I remember about Robbie was not only was he in insanely good shape, but that he was sincere and down to earth.  Which was rare at a school where it seemed like everyone, including your author, was so desperately trying to fit in to the mold.  While we were not close, he seemed a cool person.

Years later, almost 20 to be exact, I ran into Robbie on Facebook, and discovered his POMO Zone philosophy - assuming that's the correct word.  I didn't understand it at the time, but he'd developed a curriculum for youth, targeting a specific generations.  And the more I read about it, the more absorbed I became.  It's as if he'd entered the mind of that generation, reached into their chests, and felt their hearts.  It seemed as if he knew just exactly what they'd thought and even more importantly, what they needed and wanted.

We exchanged pleasantries back and forth over the ensuing months.  He then introduce me to Traitmarker and the ideas behind it.  And to be honest, I blew it off.  I mean, I've had several personality tests and knew what I was - a Choleric who was Melancholy, a hidden type A with an IQ of 120.  To me, I couldn't see how another test could really benefit.  I mean after all, how many of them could there be right?  How many tests did one person need to "define" who he was in life?

So I hemmed and hawed, inwardly rolling my eyes at another "personality" test.  It sounded weird in some regards, yet the message of me being the only one of me in a million caused me to stop and think.  I mean we've met others who are similar to us - on the web today they were discussing celebrity doppelgangers.  And I'm sure that you the reader have been compared to complete strangers.  I don't know about you, but I hate it when they say - "hey you're just like so and so . . . " and found it annoying because I've never met that person.

Yet hear was a message I think we needed to all here - you are the only one of you.  Suddenly, the Traitmarker test philosophy made sense.  While there were going to be people I could relate to based on our similar traits - I was the only one with my traits, my background, and my personality.  It was that special ingredient that you ask about at restaurants, only for them to smile at the mystery and reveal nothing.  And so I took the test.  For those of you who've taken it, I'm a Dreamer and my supportive trait is Ender.

Now this is the part where you'd normally be told - "Traitmarker changed my life."  Well it didn't, at least not right away.  But what it did do for me is help me understand my struggle.  You see, my whole life I'd been thought of as a server.  I thought my place here on earth was to help those around me, either by serving meals or giving counsel.  Yet when I took this test, I realized I was something I'd never thought I'd be - Creative.

The power of that knowledge did change my perspective though, and allowed me to see why I'd enjoy the success in both my professional and personal life.  I began to realize that my success was coming from a Dreamer and not a Servant - and that in itself was life changing.  Why?  Well in my case, it not only answered some questions I'd had but also removed the stress.  You see, when you begin to understand yourself first, then you can understand your interaction with those around you.  You being to see what you are and who you are, and it's completely refreshing.

The interesting part though, is that Traitmarker doesn't stop there.  For some, it's a community to share ideas and to partner with others who are coming to similar realizations.  For others, like myself, it's a realization of gifts, such as writing, and allows me to hone my craft in preparation for my book. The Traitmarker community is extremely supportive, and I've only begun to scratch the surface.  So many writings who've had similar experiences, finding their voices and sharing them with the world.  I don't know there's any other place I'd rather be.

So whether you're a writer like me looking for a forum, or just wanting a different perspective on what makes you tick, head over here and get started.  I promise you, you won't regret it.

Hope to see you soon!

Props

There's alot of cool things I get to share with Stephanie.  One of the things we like to do from time to time is watch Daniel the Tiger, which happens to be based on Mr. Roger's Neighborhood.  Such a classic.  I still remember him singing to me, while putting on his sweater/shoes, as if we was speaking to me right through the screen.   I remember when he passed, and feeling a bit sad that such a positive influence was gone from us. The video clip found here shows his last public words.  In it he encourages the listener to take a few moments and reflect on those who've made a change to the listener's life.  Tonight, that's what this blog is all about. I want to introduce you to an old friend.

In my younger twenties, well, I was a mess.  A product of an abusive and legalistic home, I hadn't the faintest on what to expect out of life.  For me it was just enough to make it one day at a time, putting one foot in front of another.   I also had no idea what I believed personally, I had always relied on what I was taught to be the truth.  I could point to you anywhere in the Bible where certain facts were, could quote passages, but to tell you what I felt personally and knew in my heart to be real and I was lost.

And that's a dangerous place to be, because what happens is you judge everyone around you,  Instead of showing love and compassion along with living the life, you see the world through judgmental eyes, constantly finding the fault in others, and not realizing the irony of it all - that the one truly lost is you.

One year out of college, and I was still struggling.  I'd contacted a local private school that an old college buddy was working and applied to get the job.  After a brief interview process, I'd received word that I'd gotten the job.  I packed all my things into a small Ford Escort and trekked from Cincinnati OH to Maryland, which was familiar territory to me.  I'd spent many a childhood year there. so it was in some ways a Homecoming.

As I mentioned in one of my previous posts (see post "Art"), I rented a basement in Queen Anne where I lived for over 10 years.  That time in Queen Anne was such a pivotal time for me.  First of all, I'd never known stability like that.  I mean, the longest I'd ever lived in one place was when I was in college.  Most of the times we moved were not by my choosing.  Usually we moved because my dad could never stay in one place.

But there was something else.  At Queen Anne, there were people who came into my life that challenged me in a loving way. And I'd never had that before.  Having spent so many years judging and "knowing it all" doesn't really endear you to many folks, and divorce had really rocked my family to the point that I had no feasible relationships.

As a teacher, it was the blind leading the blind.  I taught from rote memory, pulling lessons from what I had learned before instead of continually learning myself.  I also got roped into being JV Volleyball coach and had no clue about volleyball other than the net and the ball.  I wanted to help out wherever I could.

The ONE positive in all of this foolishness was meeting Mike.  He was coach of the varsity team, knew what he was doing, and over the next few years of my life, would challenge me in ways I never thought.  Looking back, though, I was ridiculous.  I mean the things I thought I believed, and what I lived - like I said, I was a mess.

And you know what - I'm sure he walked away more than once shaking his head at it all, wondering what the heck was wrong with me.  And even with all my defects, my quirks, and my ridiculousness, he still reached out to me and challenged me.  In the truest sense of the word, he showed me God's love, he lived it.

One of these days, I'm sure we'll catch up.  and the coolest thing for me will be that he gets to see the result of it all - my family now, the love we share and the happiness - in part, all thanks to him.

Boldness

Boldness (def). not hesitating or fearful in the face of actual or possible danger or rebuff; courageous and daring; 2. not hesitating to break the rules of propriety; forward; impudent

I don't consider myself a bold person.  If I were to judge myself, I'd say the real me was quieter, tends to disappear in big groups, and while intelligent, not prone to try and shove what I think and believe into the face of others.  Strong willed yes, belligerent, not so much.

However, looking at that second description of the definition of the word bold, and, well, I'd have to agree that I am bold.  I refuse to accept society's norms for many things whatever it may be.  I challenge you to think as well as confront in a loving way, always in an effort to educate and encourage.

Past that - I'm still learning.  Events over the last few days have surprised me, and I'm not sure how to engage them other than to simply trod along as best as I know how. As far as the specifics, well I'm hesitant to share them all.  I want this to develop as it should, without me guiding this too much, if you know what I mean.  Rather, I want to be guided and instructed, and see how it develops.  I know where I come from, know where I've been and to be honest, not too worried about where I'm going.  One of the great things about being older is that most of us know who we are; there comes a time in our lives when we realie that while we may grow, changing our core character traits isn't bound to happen to often. So if I've been tasked with this, then I shall do my best.

It's an area of my life that I've been dancing around for years.  Suspecting that something might come but not exactly sure in what form.  Even my wife has been surprised how the topic will raise it's head, only to disappear, as a tree that wants to bloom but not quite ready yet.  I've tried to be as ready as I can, and feel that in whatever avenue it may present itself to be willing, regardless of how big or small it may be.  

One day I may tell you the whole story of how this came to be.   Secretly I've been waiting for this, hoping that I would be ready when the time came.  Two days ago, I received a message so clear, that it shook me to my very core.  Two days have past, and the feeling has not disappeared, so deep the impression.  You may have received those messages - a moment when it seems the stars align, and signals you've received over time come together in alignment.  

Most importantly, though, is while I continue to grow, I will also continue to be sincere and real.  The nice part is that my friends who know me have to also love this side of me, and I in return have come to accept it.  So in the meantime, I wish you, the reader, all the blessing del cielo and in the midst of the storm, may you find peace and calm.

Precious Moments

As a father, you learn to capture those precious moments that present themselves at a moment's notice.  To me, they are so beautiful it's easy for me not to miss them.  So when Stephanie came to me and said "Daddy, would you like to play futbol (soccer) with me," of course I jumped at the chance.  Not sure why she doesn't ask more, so when she does, I like to drop everything I'm doing to go, because I rather enjoy it :)

One thing about getting older is that I both see and think things I've not experienced before.  I see family resemblances more pronounced in both the faces of parents and children alike.  When I look at pictures from centuries ago, I not only realize they have lived the full measure of their lives, but find myself wondering what their daily routine was.  What was it like to live life before computers, technology, HDTV's and FIOS.  And similarly, I've thought more about the end of life experience then ever before.  I guess it's because I feel more fully engaged with life, understanding the age cycle and seeing it more and more in the lives of others around me.

Living in this house has stirred similar feelings.  Having a wood stove and maintaining it makes us less dependent on current comforts and more on the sweat of our brows.  It is a balance that is maintained daily and a battle constantly fought, and our sense of accomplishment is rewarded in the smaller things..   This is how our ancestors who came before us lived.  By the sweat of their brow, by the fruits of their land, and the goodness of the neighbors around them.

So here I was surrounded by these elements and these feelings, making memories.  It was a beautiful night - 50 degree weather, the smell of burning wood and the rustling of leaves were all around us. As the night quickly fell, there we were kicking the ball, smiling, laughing, a close to a great weekend.

On the Cusp of Christmas 2014

Dear Readers,

First off, I wanted to say a hearty hello to you all out there, wherever you are and whomever you may be.  I find myself of particularly sound mind and good spirits this Saturday evening.  The kids watching Despicable Me and laughing until their sides hurt.  So I'll just make some tea and write.

My home is happier this year.  I've got the wood stove and Matt Robinson to thank for that.  It was wonderful to see my wife last night pause and look at the living room with a beam on her face.  My wife has suffered much, as so many have.   The how is not important, just that she has passed through that and is enjoying life now.  I must confess it brings a warm feeling to my heart to see finally her so happy.

The other day I was perusing my facebook page.  I'll tell you that I'm not a big fan of it, don't live on it, and by all means I don't put everything on it that I'm feeling or thinking.  I suppose I'd rather live life in the moment, oftentimes away from social media.  I wanted to enjoy it rather than preoccupy myself with the right picture the right title, or impressing the viewer/reader.

But this caught my eye and I had to read it.  Many of you are familiar with the rules, a poster which explains how men are wrong and women are right.  This one was quite different as it explained the different in thought processes between men and women.  You can read it here.  Now, I'm not a stereotype. I definitely don't appreciate men being made out into neanderthals, nor the downgrading of the female sex either.

So it was refreshing to see the different communication styles/thought process explained so well.   I loved and thought it was spot on.  I mean that's how I think.  Whatever box I'm dealing with, that's my only box. As I've grown older, I've improved on my abilities of quickly switching between boxes but for the most part I have one box at a time, and give my absolute all to it in the moment. In fact there have been a few older boxes I've looked at and dealt with.

These boxes, well they go back years.  I've contemplated, written about them and come to terms with them.  I don't bring them out but on a very rare occasion.  These are boxes which are settled, taped and sealed with the utmost care.  Not because I refuse to open them, simply there's no need.  The items in these boxes have been laid to rest sometime ago.  As time wore one, I'd forgotten about what exactly was in there, so it was quite refreshing to see those old friends once again.  However, as I resealed the box, I wondered if I'd ever open them again.

I'm constantly reminded about how well life is right now.  Among the trials of life, I am so truly blessed.  Not always easy, but I'm so grateful for all I've been blessed with, and grateful that there are no more only nights, crying yourself to sleep, or wondering where the next meal comes from.   No, there is only laughter pealing down the hall, the crackling of firewood on the stove, and the smell of fresh hot tea on this cold winter's night.

If you've not done it yet today, grab your children and loved ones tight.  Look them straight in the eyes, and with sincerity and all the love can muster, tell them how much you love them - and make sure to smile :)

Here's wishing you a Happy weekend :)

The little stove that could . . . did!

Dear Friends,

Been a while since I've posted.  Not that I haven't thought about it.  It's just that we've been too busy having fun.  About a month after my last post, we went on vacation to Virginia.  Sunny skies and warmer water waited us there.  Not to mention a gorgeous hotel, a friendly Starbucks staff, and a fun aquarium :)

If you've read any of my previous posts, you'll remember the House that Love Built.  Well after much debate, we decided to give it another go this year.  The idea was to allocate enough money for oil each month.  After all, it is a great house, we have a fantastic landlord, and the yard is HUGE (not having to rake the leaves might have something to do with that:))

That was the initial plan, until I was talking with a buddy of mine from work.  We kicked the idea around of installing a fan system to help circulate the air from the fireplace.  Somehow between Craigslist and Ebay, we hatched another plan.   What we did end up doing was converting the fireplace with a wood stove shown here:

The price was a steal, along with the other hardware.  Thing that amazed me was how hard it was to remove some of the internal brickwork - they sure knew how to make fireplaces to last.  Ended up renting a mini jackhammer of sorts and it made quick work of things . . .

Off to dinner!

P.S.  I know this is shorter than others - don't worry, I've got a few more topics percolating.  Until then!

In the End . . . .

I'm not a big TV watcher.  In fact, over the last 5-6 years, I've come to enjoy more as background noise, then for it's content.  Granted I'll watch the weather channel religiously when it comes to bad weather.  And there's a few shows I love, but just a few (Elementary, Sherlock, Big Bang Theory, 2 Broke Girls, and HIMYM).

I never watch a show from the pilot though.  Not sure why, but I'm usually a little behind the times when coming to new shows.  Guess I don't want to waste time on things I'm not going to enjoy and want to see if the shows going to hang around for a while.  Once I find that I like them, though, I'll watch them over and over and over again.

First time I can remember was Friends.  In fact, I didn't watch the show until it was almost off the air.  The few shows I did I like, and ended up buying the 1st 6 seasons.  And I remember when the finale was on.   Parties were scheduled, groups of real life friends got to together and watched it on a big screen.  I watched it again when rewatching the seasons (again and again :), and thought the producers did a good job with it.

HIMYM was very much the same.  I think I started watching in the 3rd or 4th season. During the summer, I always anticipated the following season .  Felt like I connected with Ted the most - and I suppose that is the allure of shows like this.  It is a representation (I hope) of the friendships we have or have had in the past.

I suppose the ending is one you either love or hate.  For my part, I'd liked it.  Because it was real.  Death, and changes in life's path are part of it all.  With life, while there are going to be great and awesome times, there will also be those where you feel you are barely making it.  Fights that last longer than you want, hurts that go so deep.

I read an article about one of the creators whose life this is based on.  Mention of the show brought tears to his eyes, because it was his reality . .  .  Sigh great show.  Ted and all, you will be missed.

Beautiful Weather Good times . . .

Love this music.  Discovered it while leveling in North rend, as so many in the Warcraft Universe have done.  I could just sit and listen to this forever.  It's amazing how far technology has come since the days of the Commodore 64.  Remember those days, too. Hours of playing World Games, trying to master the ole Caber Toss . . .

Today received a wonderful care package from Mom.  My most favorite part wasn't the gift card (although that's going to be used quickly) or the clothes for the kids.  Nope, favorite part was seeing the book Good Night Oregon.  Having been born in Hood River, OR, it was nice to have something so treasured - a remembrance of home . . .

Happy family memories for me are few and far between.  Divorced rocked our house when I was just two, and took us all years to get over.  My family, in the course of a night, became a 2 coast family. I saw very little of my mother, my grandmother, my sister and my aunt over the years.  Not because of not wanting to  - there are so many things that happened back then.  Only thing I remember is how much I've missed being out there.  The recent passing of my grandmother over a year ago reminded me of this. No one's to blame really.  It's just - sad. Those of us who are left behind in divorce's wake are the ones who must pick up the pieces.  We are the ones who must heal, forgive and learn to move on.

It's not always going to be easy.  Since my wife is from Mexico, we have both a multi-cultural and a multi-coastal family.  There's a big difference in the folks who have lived on the East Coast and those on the West. Pace of life, points of view, it's an interesting mix - if you're not aware of it, well it can cause issues even when both parties are of the same family.  On top of that add a second language, completely different culture, and you are never bored.

Folks in the PNW (Pacific Northwest where I was born) are descendants of pioneers.  Families who endured more hardship than I could ever know - unforeseen territory, the fear of the unknown and constant fear of Indians always present.  The independent, quiet nature of so many have passed down through generations . . .

Our family is one of those.  Meals are always important, conversations often tarry in the late hours of the night. Some nights they were stressful, talk of crop or problems at work.  Many were happy, slowly weaving the fabric of life into those conversations, good times spent and good food for all.

As time went one, they have become nonexistent.  Work and responsibility pull at all we do, and there doesn't seem to be enough time to do it all.  Summer has started, yet it seems few have noticed.  We go on with our daily routines as the days become warmer and longer.  That's why when they do happen, we embrace them, squeezing every last moment together.

Some of the most fun are the ones where we cook together.  A glass of wine, a hot oven, and a cool night blend together into the orchestral moments together.  One of my happier times was a Christmas visit to Arizona.  While there on business, I was able to spend time with my family on my mom's side.  We've never been able to be together as much as we've wanted. So when we do, we pack Christmas and birthday's together.

The picture below is from my last trip out there.  I've looked at it longingly so many times, wondering when the next one will be . .  .

Line and Verse

So I napped for a few hours in the afternoon and now it's midnight and I can't sleep.  Along with a cup of chamomile, I thought that maybe putting some thoughts down might help me relax.

There are moments which reach out and grab us - whether it's a song, movie, or something more. Something that stops you in your tracks and you simply must know what it is that's reached out and touched your inner core.

My most recent inspiration was the I-pad commercial. It's been with me - inspiring and motivating me every day since.  The audio is of Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society, introducing the importance of poetry in human life. In the movie, he quotes the following section from Whitman's Leaves of Grass:

Oh me! Oh life! of the questions of these recurring,
Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill'd with the foolish,
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (For who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the struggle ever renew'd,
Of the poor results of all, all of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me,
Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,
The question, O Me! so sad, recurring - What good amid these, O me, O life?

Answer.

That you are here-that life exists and identity,

That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.

For just a moment, savor that line. Close your eyes and see it, feel it . . . .

That the powerful play goes on and you will contribute a verse.

That single line reminds me of the importance of understanding who I am  To not only appreciate my uniqueness, but to also never stop learning and growing; and that by doing so, I'm fulfilling my God-given purpose in life . . .

To be myself.  

Such a simple concept, complicated by so many . . .

Salt and Light have no mouth, yet they speak volumes.  They utter no sounds but effect change wherever they are present.

That the powerful play goes on, and you will contribute a verse.

What will your verse be?

The House that Love Built, well . . . - ya know

(Author's Note:  This piece is a little, well, cheeky.  A cold house is not the worst of anyone's problems, so I trust you know that while it's definitely frustrating , it's not the worse thing in the world :) )

I love this house.  And I hate this house.  Funny, how 2 emotions can run so deep that are so conflicting. Sometimes we are never content are we, reader?  The human race can be so fickle sometimes.

It seemed like yesterday we were so happy to be moving.  The seven of us packed into a two bedroom, two bath luxury apartment.  On top of that , there lived a neighbor below us who had no children and who did not understand the futility of attempting to keep a 3 year old from running in the house - well, an apartment. On the day of the showing, we stared with anticipation at the fireplace, imagining nights by the fire, sipping our hot drinks, talking until the wee hours in the morning.  Slightly over from there, a small room which I'd convert into an office.  Could it be we may actually purchase this place?

Within 24 hours of starting the move, we had finished unloading the truck.  Such was the anticipation and joy of finally having more open space that we could ever dream of.  Acres of yards for the children to play, pieces of land that were quietly plotted out for future gardening.  The kitchen and dining area hummed with activity as the summer came to a close.  Fall days came and went the lawn littered with leaves and the holidays filled with joy.  Expectations ran high and we talked and laughed as we finally could do so without repercussion.

It is important to know that the house itself was built in 1918 as an inlaw house to the a farm which traces its history back to revolutionary days.  I would have linked the picture to the site, but there's none on the web, and I'm sure the owner would think I'm stalking her . . . .

And then the winter came with a force so strong, so bitterly cold, it's as if it opened our door and made a space in our living room.  We burned wood in the fireplace, but over time wood because an expensive commodity and to make matters worse, didn't even heat the house.  Oil heat was even more expensive.  With the winter so cold, it made the small cramped apartment look like heaven - who would of thought?

There's nothing that could have prepares us for this kind of cold.  Even during the hottest days of August, the house seemed to be well insulated.  Electric bills were manageable and we lived together in happiness. However during these winter months, it all changed so quickly.  Dinners at home togethere were very few and far between.  Tempers were shortened and it seemed we got along less and less.

The cold came and stayed unlike anything we'd ever seen I can't tell you the desperate feeling of waking up to a house that is at 44 degrees.  Too cold to cook, too cold to take a shower, too cold to do anything.  No one wanted to get out out bed, because there were mornings when the cold literally shocked you. For a family who loves to cook, eat and just hang out and talk, this of course was our worst nightmare.  We went from being packed like sardines in an apartment to every one stuck in their respective bedrooms.  Seems like in one way or another we are still striving to fin the happy medium . . . .

Today is another snow day - with it coming this late in March, I'm hoping it's the last.  The kids just got new scooters yesterday from Uncle Fernando and are dying to take them outside.  With 8" of snow though, that's not going to happen today.  And although it's cold (25 outside and 53 inside) we are grateful once again to be together.  Mommy and Daddy work alot, so it's always nice when we can be together at home with Stephanie.  The joy she shows on her face is priceless.  And we understand that many are in a worse spot than we are.  So for us it's more of a source of pride, almost a badge if you will,  that we have endured such a harsh winter.

Which is why it's been so long since I've written.  That and another reason, which will come up in the next blog.  Since it's a little warmer today, it might even come out today . . . . . :)

Au revoir mis amis!

2013 Part I

You know how there's these traits you have and you can't figure out if ti's cool or weird?  Yeah me too.

One of those traits is sentimentalism.  Whether it's old photos, or emails from a while, or accounts I look at with notes from 3 years ago, I find myself wondering what I was doing at that time/date.  Life changes also bring about these thoughts . . .

We're just 30 days away from moving out of our apartment.  I've yet to confirm a place where we are going, we just know we aren't going to be there.  I remember my dad telling me that 400 sq feet was going to make a difference, and of course, I didn't believe him.

What' I've come to realize is that I was right, and so was he.  It really wasn't the 400 sq feet of house I'd lost, although there were many a night I would have given anything for 5 minutes of peace and quiet.  Rather, it was the huge yard we had in the back that I'd missed.  Funniest thing was, it wasn't for me but for the kids.  Bless their hearts, how many days did they spend cooped up inside a 1000 sq ft apartment?  How many times did they long to play outside, forced inside by Mother Nature?

A year ago today, we'd received notice that our owner had intended on selling the house where we'd live for a few years.  We'd knew the day was coming, with a string of potential owners coming by every day (or so it seemed).  With mold in the bathroom, and ruined carpet, along with an owner who didn't want to invest any more money, we decided to move.

Irony - isn't it great?  2 days after I signed the (binding) contract with the apartment place, the owner came back to us and said the short sale had fallen through . . . .  I've wondered several times after that if I'd made the right decision.  Then I remember the bathroom . . . . yuck.

Over the last year we've endured rough weather, crazy neighbors (reminded me of Friends episodes), and being pack like sardines.  We've seen our family grow (by 3) and are in the process of growing by one more (Perla).  Through all the laughter and the tears, what a ride it's been.  Stephanie is finally talking, and has grown even closer to me.  I hear about how that will change soon, but must admit I'm not ready for that day - yet, maybe ever.