I find myself in the rarest of circumstances - at home alone. Normally there are children at play, or televisions screaming, music blaring or the sounds of warrior vs paladin in the never ending pursuit for Azeroth. There might be the burning of grease or the smells of freshly cooked whatever in the kitchen, saturating the air, the lighthearted banter of sisters catching up after time apart.
But not tonight. The silence is literally deafening on this July 4th night, and I can feel the stress leaving my body as I write this. Accompanied by good friends Teavana (orange blossom and youthberry - awesome combination either cold or hot) and my fan, I am allowed if but a few minutes to actually concentrate. It feels weird :) I almost don't know how to act or what to do.
Almost. The air is muggy tonight, and at the risk of sounding unpatriotic, fireworks have lost their appeal. I suppose the right thing to do is take the girls out to see them, but there is time for that yet. For now, I turn to my old friend, my blog, for some much needed therapeutic release.
Tonight, I wanted to take a few minutes and get something off my chest that's been there for a while. If any of you have read my posts, then you know of some of the struggles I have and continue to face. One of the biggest consolations, though, in my fight with anxiety and some form of stress disorders, is the support that I've received. You may also find it interesting that out of one of the major contributors of my stress/anxiety also came one of it's saviors, so to speak. His name is Robbie Grayson.
I don't remember when I first met Robbie on campus. What I do remember though is I thought he was cool. I knew he'd lived in Germany, and I was fascinated at folks who'd come abroad since at that time of my life, I'd never traveled. Sometime over the next four years, he was a floor-leader. A title reserved for those who were "in charge' of a floor. Their responsibilities included ensuring their floor observed curfew, were in bed at night, had weekly floor meetings. The biggest thing I remember about Robbie was not only was he in insanely good shape, but that he was sincere and down to earth. Which was rare at a school where it seemed like everyone, including your author, was so desperately trying to fit in to the mold. While we were not close, he seemed a cool person.
Years later, almost 20 to be exact, I ran into Robbie on Facebook, and discovered his POMO Zone philosophy - assuming that's the correct word. I didn't understand it at the time, but he'd developed a curriculum for youth, targeting a specific generations. And the more I read about it, the more absorbed I became. It's as if he'd entered the mind of that generation, reached into their chests, and felt their hearts. It seemed as if he knew just exactly what they'd thought and even more importantly, what they needed and wanted.
We exchanged pleasantries back and forth over the ensuing months. He then introduce me to Traitmarker and the ideas behind it. And to be honest, I blew it off. I mean, I've had several personality tests and knew what I was - a Choleric who was Melancholy, a hidden type A with an IQ of 120. To me, I couldn't see how another test could really benefit. I mean after all, how many of them could there be right? How many tests did one person need to "define" who he was in life?
So I hemmed and hawed, inwardly rolling my eyes at another "personality" test. It sounded weird in some regards, yet the message of me being the only one of me in a million caused me to stop and think. I mean we've met others who are similar to us - on the web today they were discussing celebrity doppelgangers. And I'm sure that you the reader have been compared to complete strangers. I don't know about you, but I hate it when they say - "hey you're just like so and so . . . " and found it annoying because I've never met that person.
Yet hear was a message I think we needed to all here - you are the only one of you. Suddenly, the Traitmarker test philosophy made sense. While there were going to be people I could relate to based on our similar traits - I was the only one with my traits, my background, and my personality. It was that special ingredient that you ask about at restaurants, only for them to smile at the mystery and reveal nothing. And so I took the test. For those of you who've taken it, I'm a Dreamer and my supportive trait is Ender.
Now this is the part where you'd normally be told - "Traitmarker changed my life." Well it didn't, at least not right away. But what it did do for me is help me understand my struggle. You see, my whole life I'd been thought of as a server. I thought my place here on earth was to help those around me, either by serving meals or giving counsel. Yet when I took this test, I realized I was something I'd never thought I'd be - Creative.
The power of that knowledge did change my perspective though, and allowed me to see why I'd enjoy the success in both my professional and personal life. I began to realize that my success was coming from a Dreamer and not a Servant - and that in itself was life changing. Why? Well in my case, it not only answered some questions I'd had but also removed the stress. You see, when you begin to understand yourself first, then you can understand your interaction with those around you. You being to see what you are and who you are, and it's completely refreshing.
The interesting part though, is that Traitmarker doesn't stop there. For some, it's a community to share ideas and to partner with others who are coming to similar realizations. For others, like myself, it's a realization of gifts, such as writing, and allows me to hone my craft in preparation for my book. The Traitmarker community is extremely supportive, and I've only begun to scratch the surface. So many writings who've had similar experiences, finding their voices and sharing them with the world. I don't know there's any other place I'd rather be.
So whether you're a writer like me looking for a forum, or just wanting a different perspective on what makes you tick, head over here and get started. I promise you, you won't regret it.
Hope to see you soon!
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