The little stove that could . . . did!

Dear Friends,

Been a while since I've posted.  Not that I haven't thought about it.  It's just that we've been too busy having fun.  About a month after my last post, we went on vacation to Virginia.  Sunny skies and warmer water waited us there.  Not to mention a gorgeous hotel, a friendly Starbucks staff, and a fun aquarium :)

If you've read any of my previous posts, you'll remember the House that Love Built.  Well after much debate, we decided to give it another go this year.  The idea was to allocate enough money for oil each month.  After all, it is a great house, we have a fantastic landlord, and the yard is HUGE (not having to rake the leaves might have something to do with that:))

That was the initial plan, until I was talking with a buddy of mine from work.  We kicked the idea around of installing a fan system to help circulate the air from the fireplace.  Somehow between Craigslist and Ebay, we hatched another plan.   What we did end up doing was converting the fireplace with a wood stove shown here:

The price was a steal, along with the other hardware.  Thing that amazed me was how hard it was to remove some of the internal brickwork - they sure knew how to make fireplaces to last.  Ended up renting a mini jackhammer of sorts and it made quick work of things . . .

Off to dinner!

P.S.  I know this is shorter than others - don't worry, I've got a few more topics percolating.  Until then!

In the End . . . .

I'm not a big TV watcher.  In fact, over the last 5-6 years, I've come to enjoy more as background noise, then for it's content.  Granted I'll watch the weather channel religiously when it comes to bad weather.  And there's a few shows I love, but just a few (Elementary, Sherlock, Big Bang Theory, 2 Broke Girls, and HIMYM).

I never watch a show from the pilot though.  Not sure why, but I'm usually a little behind the times when coming to new shows.  Guess I don't want to waste time on things I'm not going to enjoy and want to see if the shows going to hang around for a while.  Once I find that I like them, though, I'll watch them over and over and over again.

First time I can remember was Friends.  In fact, I didn't watch the show until it was almost off the air.  The few shows I did I like, and ended up buying the 1st 6 seasons.  And I remember when the finale was on.   Parties were scheduled, groups of real life friends got to together and watched it on a big screen.  I watched it again when rewatching the seasons (again and again :), and thought the producers did a good job with it.

HIMYM was very much the same.  I think I started watching in the 3rd or 4th season. During the summer, I always anticipated the following season .  Felt like I connected with Ted the most - and I suppose that is the allure of shows like this.  It is a representation (I hope) of the friendships we have or have had in the past.

I suppose the ending is one you either love or hate.  For my part, I'd liked it.  Because it was real.  Death, and changes in life's path are part of it all.  With life, while there are going to be great and awesome times, there will also be those where you feel you are barely making it.  Fights that last longer than you want, hurts that go so deep.

I read an article about one of the creators whose life this is based on.  Mention of the show brought tears to his eyes, because it was his reality . .  .  Sigh great show.  Ted and all, you will be missed.

Beautiful Weather Good times . . .

Love this music.  Discovered it while leveling in North rend, as so many in the Warcraft Universe have done.  I could just sit and listen to this forever.  It's amazing how far technology has come since the days of the Commodore 64.  Remember those days, too. Hours of playing World Games, trying to master the ole Caber Toss . . .

Today received a wonderful care package from Mom.  My most favorite part wasn't the gift card (although that's going to be used quickly) or the clothes for the kids.  Nope, favorite part was seeing the book Good Night Oregon.  Having been born in Hood River, OR, it was nice to have something so treasured - a remembrance of home . . .

Happy family memories for me are few and far between.  Divorced rocked our house when I was just two, and took us all years to get over.  My family, in the course of a night, became a 2 coast family. I saw very little of my mother, my grandmother, my sister and my aunt over the years.  Not because of not wanting to  - there are so many things that happened back then.  Only thing I remember is how much I've missed being out there.  The recent passing of my grandmother over a year ago reminded me of this. No one's to blame really.  It's just - sad. Those of us who are left behind in divorce's wake are the ones who must pick up the pieces.  We are the ones who must heal, forgive and learn to move on.

It's not always going to be easy.  Since my wife is from Mexico, we have both a multi-cultural and a multi-coastal family.  There's a big difference in the folks who have lived on the East Coast and those on the West. Pace of life, points of view, it's an interesting mix - if you're not aware of it, well it can cause issues even when both parties are of the same family.  On top of that add a second language, completely different culture, and you are never bored.

Folks in the PNW (Pacific Northwest where I was born) are descendants of pioneers.  Families who endured more hardship than I could ever know - unforeseen territory, the fear of the unknown and constant fear of Indians always present.  The independent, quiet nature of so many have passed down through generations . . .

Our family is one of those.  Meals are always important, conversations often tarry in the late hours of the night. Some nights they were stressful, talk of crop or problems at work.  Many were happy, slowly weaving the fabric of life into those conversations, good times spent and good food for all.

As time went one, they have become nonexistent.  Work and responsibility pull at all we do, and there doesn't seem to be enough time to do it all.  Summer has started, yet it seems few have noticed.  We go on with our daily routines as the days become warmer and longer.  That's why when they do happen, we embrace them, squeezing every last moment together.

Some of the most fun are the ones where we cook together.  A glass of wine, a hot oven, and a cool night blend together into the orchestral moments together.  One of my happier times was a Christmas visit to Arizona.  While there on business, I was able to spend time with my family on my mom's side.  We've never been able to be together as much as we've wanted. So when we do, we pack Christmas and birthday's together.

The picture below is from my last trip out there.  I've looked at it longingly so many times, wondering when the next one will be . .  .

Line and Verse

So I napped for a few hours in the afternoon and now it's midnight and I can't sleep.  Along with a cup of chamomile, I thought that maybe putting some thoughts down might help me relax.

There are moments which reach out and grab us - whether it's a song, movie, or something more. Something that stops you in your tracks and you simply must know what it is that's reached out and touched your inner core.

My most recent inspiration was the I-pad commercial. It's been with me - inspiring and motivating me every day since.  The audio is of Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society, introducing the importance of poetry in human life. In the movie, he quotes the following section from Whitman's Leaves of Grass:

Oh me! Oh life! of the questions of these recurring,
Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill'd with the foolish,
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (For who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the struggle ever renew'd,
Of the poor results of all, all of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me,
Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,
The question, O Me! so sad, recurring - What good amid these, O me, O life?

Answer.

That you are here-that life exists and identity,

That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.

For just a moment, savor that line. Close your eyes and see it, feel it . . . .

That the powerful play goes on and you will contribute a verse.

That single line reminds me of the importance of understanding who I am  To not only appreciate my uniqueness, but to also never stop learning and growing; and that by doing so, I'm fulfilling my God-given purpose in life . . .

To be myself.  

Such a simple concept, complicated by so many . . .

Salt and Light have no mouth, yet they speak volumes.  They utter no sounds but effect change wherever they are present.

That the powerful play goes on, and you will contribute a verse.

What will your verse be?

The House that Love Built, well . . . - ya know

(Author's Note:  This piece is a little, well, cheeky.  A cold house is not the worst of anyone's problems, so I trust you know that while it's definitely frustrating , it's not the worse thing in the world :) )

I love this house.  And I hate this house.  Funny, how 2 emotions can run so deep that are so conflicting. Sometimes we are never content are we, reader?  The human race can be so fickle sometimes.

It seemed like yesterday we were so happy to be moving.  The seven of us packed into a two bedroom, two bath luxury apartment.  On top of that , there lived a neighbor below us who had no children and who did not understand the futility of attempting to keep a 3 year old from running in the house - well, an apartment. On the day of the showing, we stared with anticipation at the fireplace, imagining nights by the fire, sipping our hot drinks, talking until the wee hours in the morning.  Slightly over from there, a small room which I'd convert into an office.  Could it be we may actually purchase this place?

Within 24 hours of starting the move, we had finished unloading the truck.  Such was the anticipation and joy of finally having more open space that we could ever dream of.  Acres of yards for the children to play, pieces of land that were quietly plotted out for future gardening.  The kitchen and dining area hummed with activity as the summer came to a close.  Fall days came and went the lawn littered with leaves and the holidays filled with joy.  Expectations ran high and we talked and laughed as we finally could do so without repercussion.

It is important to know that the house itself was built in 1918 as an inlaw house to the a farm which traces its history back to revolutionary days.  I would have linked the picture to the site, but there's none on the web, and I'm sure the owner would think I'm stalking her . . . .

And then the winter came with a force so strong, so bitterly cold, it's as if it opened our door and made a space in our living room.  We burned wood in the fireplace, but over time wood because an expensive commodity and to make matters worse, didn't even heat the house.  Oil heat was even more expensive.  With the winter so cold, it made the small cramped apartment look like heaven - who would of thought?

There's nothing that could have prepares us for this kind of cold.  Even during the hottest days of August, the house seemed to be well insulated.  Electric bills were manageable and we lived together in happiness. However during these winter months, it all changed so quickly.  Dinners at home togethere were very few and far between.  Tempers were shortened and it seemed we got along less and less.

The cold came and stayed unlike anything we'd ever seen I can't tell you the desperate feeling of waking up to a house that is at 44 degrees.  Too cold to cook, too cold to take a shower, too cold to do anything.  No one wanted to get out out bed, because there were mornings when the cold literally shocked you. For a family who loves to cook, eat and just hang out and talk, this of course was our worst nightmare.  We went from being packed like sardines in an apartment to every one stuck in their respective bedrooms.  Seems like in one way or another we are still striving to fin the happy medium . . . .

Today is another snow day - with it coming this late in March, I'm hoping it's the last.  The kids just got new scooters yesterday from Uncle Fernando and are dying to take them outside.  With 8" of snow though, that's not going to happen today.  And although it's cold (25 outside and 53 inside) we are grateful once again to be together.  Mommy and Daddy work alot, so it's always nice when we can be together at home with Stephanie.  The joy she shows on her face is priceless.  And we understand that many are in a worse spot than we are.  So for us it's more of a source of pride, almost a badge if you will,  that we have endured such a harsh winter.

Which is why it's been so long since I've written.  That and another reason, which will come up in the next blog.  Since it's a little warmer today, it might even come out today . . . . . :)

Au revoir mis amis!

2013 Part I

You know how there's these traits you have and you can't figure out if ti's cool or weird?  Yeah me too.

One of those traits is sentimentalism.  Whether it's old photos, or emails from a while, or accounts I look at with notes from 3 years ago, I find myself wondering what I was doing at that time/date.  Life changes also bring about these thoughts . . .

We're just 30 days away from moving out of our apartment.  I've yet to confirm a place where we are going, we just know we aren't going to be there.  I remember my dad telling me that 400 sq feet was going to make a difference, and of course, I didn't believe him.

What' I've come to realize is that I was right, and so was he.  It really wasn't the 400 sq feet of house I'd lost, although there were many a night I would have given anything for 5 minutes of peace and quiet.  Rather, it was the huge yard we had in the back that I'd missed.  Funniest thing was, it wasn't for me but for the kids.  Bless their hearts, how many days did they spend cooped up inside a 1000 sq ft apartment?  How many times did they long to play outside, forced inside by Mother Nature?

A year ago today, we'd received notice that our owner had intended on selling the house where we'd live for a few years.  We'd knew the day was coming, with a string of potential owners coming by every day (or so it seemed).  With mold in the bathroom, and ruined carpet, along with an owner who didn't want to invest any more money, we decided to move.

Irony - isn't it great?  2 days after I signed the (binding) contract with the apartment place, the owner came back to us and said the short sale had fallen through . . . .  I've wondered several times after that if I'd made the right decision.  Then I remember the bathroom . . . . yuck.

Over the last year we've endured rough weather, crazy neighbors (reminded me of Friends episodes), and being pack like sardines.  We've seen our family grow (by 3) and are in the process of growing by one more (Perla).  Through all the laughter and the tears, what a ride it's been.  Stephanie is finally talking, and has grown even closer to me.  I hear about how that will change soon, but must admit I'm not ready for that day - yet, maybe ever.

Sunday nights

are a dread, especially over these last 6 years or so.  That final night before going back to work, one last breath of free air before starting the routine all over again.  After all, you can never have too much fun.

Some weekends are not restful.  Some are rough, Stephanie can be precocious.  Other times, we don't get along, as is normal.  Normal in marriage, normal in any relationship really.  We are human after all.  And if i was honest, yes, there are some morning i can't wait to get back to work.

Yet those weekends are few and far between.  Tonight, the air is filled with laughter, the vibe is one that nobody wants to go to bed.  Everyone of us hang around in an attempt to suck the very last drop of sweet nectar that has been this weekend.  The food has been great, the company even better.  Busy, yet more than enough time to rest. 

I have such a happy home.  Granted it's work to keep it that way- you can be sure of that.  But it's more than worth it, and i love my life.  These moments are what life is made of.  I have dreamed of this life for so long . . . it's better than I could have imagined.

So i thought i'd share it with you.  It's almost ten and at some point the night will wind down.  But not yet.  And don't be worried about tomorrow.  SomeOne's got it under control.  Just turn up the stereo and enjoy tonight a little bit longer . . . .

http://youtu.be/T3E9Wjbq44E



 

Family

I'm going to do and be something that I don't usually do and that's be bold.  This blog is going to be different.  I've spent the last year and 3 months trying to write what would people wanted to read.  I've quietly wondered who reads my blogs, and became so discouraged when readership was low, that I actually quit for a while.

You see I grew up in a conservative home, one whose inward goings on definitely did not match what was shown on Sunday morning.  The challenging part with emotional scars is that they aren't visible, but oftentimes the effects are.  I was trained to be a certain way and all the way to college and beyond, I tried to fit in a mold.  And that's what I expected from both myself and my writing.

But I'm not that person.  And at the age of 40 I've grown tired and I'm done.  So I've changed the name of the blog to what I enjoy and my thoughts here will continue to be realistic.  The difference is that my aim is not to be somebody or gain readership, it's simply to give you a look into my life.

If there's one thing I've learned, is that othersmore like me.  Children who were abused growing up, physically and emotionally, and worse.  We grew up in a time where divorce was not quite yet normal, and we struggled to show our identity.  We struggled so hard to be liked by those in power over us, and yet never quite measured up.

The beauty of today's society is that it's tired of fake, it's tired of the same routine.  They are finished with the "Do as I say, not as I do."  And I love it.  Today's world is about being real, and not about following the company line.

Is the change in this blog a sort of New Year's resolution?  Maybe.  Is it permanent?  God, I sure hope so.

The picture at the top of this blog is of my extended family in Chiapas, Mexico.  My wife is from Mexico and she has alot of family from there.  Many of you might have visited Cancun, or Cabos, or Monterrey - this is different.  You see, the parts I'm used to are the poor parts.  Where the air conditioning is natural, with fans move the warm air around.  Water comes to the house in a very small tube, and major construction is often done with dynamite.  Work is hard to come by and you work 60 hours a week for about $30.

According to our country's standards, our family is poor.  Tables are drawn out to the street for ventilation and light, plastic lawn chairs are their form of dinner seating, and kitchen knives are used as can openers.  Indoor plumbing in the kitchen is a luxury, sanitation a fight to maintain, and the power can go at a moment's notice.

If I close my eyes, I can hear the little town's "news" on the car driving by, being shouted through a mounted magaphone.  I see the scrawny dogs in the streets, staring at me with sad eyes because there is no food.  And the stares, while friendly, are always there.  A big white blond guy in the middle of so many Hispanics - it's definitely alot of fun.

And because I've seen this first hand, that's why this picture is so poignant to me.  It's my nephew's birthday.  His mother died a long time ago, and his father abandoned him.  He lives with my inlaws, and is one of the family.  Some may see this picture and see poverty or inconvenience or even feel sorry for them. 

Yet here I see love and support - sharing whatever you have with those who have less, where it is a blanket or a warm meal.  In our part of town no one is lonely on Christmas, because the neighbors ensure that those with nothing enjoy at least one day with someone.  It's amazing - in the poorest of houses, i have seen the richest families.  Rich beyond wealth, because they value their family and their love much more material possession.  I see this picture and I miss them very much . . .



 

Happy New Year

Before embracing a new year, i must stop if but for a second to reflect on this past year.  Facebook has a year in review of all the different things that you posted, friends you added or pictures you took over the last year.  I ran mine, and it, well, seemed a bit empty.

I've decided it worthless to attempt to summarize this past year in a mere collage of "things."  It was so much more than that, and the new year hasn't even started yet.  I find myself absolutely excited to embrace the new year.  So much will happen, I just know it.  But first the review.

This year started out quiet, but with alot of learning and growing.  As some of you may or may not know, i'm in the processing of bringing over my wife's daugthers.  It is a complicated process, and has already taken too much time for the first one then I could have ever anticipated.  The moment you think you're done, there's another form to file, another hole to explain.  Trust me I would have started much earlier had I known.

I've learned you have to constantly follow up with Immigration, even though they do their best, because they are so many immigrants who want to be here.  I've learned so much about the process as a whole and unfortunately I've had to learn so much on the fly . . . .

The summer was simply fantastic.  Went to Ocean City with the family and it was awesome.  So much so we're going back.  Not so much for the scenery but just to be together.  Then late summer came, and we had to move out.  Misunderstandings and alot of unexpected expenses followed, and relationships were strained with the change and the heat.

But then the fall came.  As the leaves and the temperature began to fall, so did the tension.  And the love and the peace that we'd longed for so returned.  And ever since then it has been fantastic. It seemed to go so well . . .

Then once again Death's hand touched my family.  My grandmother, aged 90, went home.  The matriarch of our family, the rock had slipped from our lives quietly.  Yet the hole it left was tremendous.  A constant encourager, and a ready smile she was fantastic.

I can still hear her voice and will so for many years to come.  But I know she's in a better place .  And someday I will see her again soon.



 

If I had to do it over again

So it's a quiet night.  Wife and the little one are out with some friends, and I just back from watching Skyfall.  Babygirl has started to sing and anyone that truly knows me know that my music tastes are completely eclectic. Be interesting where she goes with hers. God knows I'm showing her all kinds.

Once I was able to get out from the dark shadows known as my childhood, I really developed a passion for music. Not a like, nor a love.  It is a passion - a neverending always burning desire that saturates my very being.  You see I just don't hear music, I feel it.  As Nicholas' character said in a Few Good Men, i feel it "down in deep dark places where no one likes to talk about it." 

One of the groups I have come to love is DMB (Dave Matthews Band).  And while their stuff from the 2000's is okay, I've really come to love some of their older stuff.  When they'd just jam.  Funny thing is I remember when they were big, and I couldn't stand them - go figure.  Yeah i'm late getting on that train.  LOL.

Anyway everytime I hear them I can't help think of JID.  He's an old roommate from back in the day, and one i seriously undervalued at the time.  I've hesitated to blog about this.  I was afraid, and still am so, over "over romantizing" (if that's even a word) that time period of my life.  Looking back on it, wow, I' just wish i'd embraced it much more.  But i supposed it's easier to say that once you've find the love of your life.  Back then i was just hoping to get a date, let alone laid.

But i was still finding my way and I regret that i didn't appreciate him more - probably is i was trying to impress him too much rather than being myself.  And as with many friendships, time, responsibility and other factors, well we've lost touch.  And it's too bad - because he was great.  I'm sure if you had asked he'd find someway to say some nice things about me.  But the truth is, I was an ass.  A pompous arrogant ass who had no clue how ignorant i really was. Funny thing is, i thought i was doing the right thing.  Why is it we finally get it right after they're gone?

Today life is much more normal than it was back then.  After some serious counseling, i finally pulled through.  Now I'm married, with a great home.  And i love my life.  Yet i find myself from time to time (such as tonight) reflecting on those days.  Remembering the nights watching DMB's older concerts and wondering what the hell he saw in them.  Or his discussions on Kerouac or modern day Christianity.

You see, JID was just cool.  To me he was one of my true friends.  He saw me at some tough times and at hard as it must have been, encouraged me and always gave me another perspective with a kind word rather than a judgmental glance.  I realized life was a lot bigger than my fears and the biggest regret is that i didn't see it sooner so that i could have enjoyed his friendship more. I learned alot from him.

As she always does, time encourages us to move on.  When the cool rolls in at evening time, I think of those nights in front of the wood stove swapping ideas - trying to see how how i could make the stove :)  An intellectual conversation with him was like eating at the proverbial mental buffet.  Just awesome and refreshing.  Yeah i know, i'm sure that english reference is completely wrong :)

So Jid, wherever you are man - thanks.  I truly am indebted to you.   

Summer Fun

(Editor's Note:  So if you can't tell yet, I haven't really decided what direction to take this blog.  And i guess i'm in no hurry to find out :)  I've been itching to write for some time and well, now, I'm here so let's get a crackin'!)

I know it's August and the last post I made was sometime in the spring.  It's not that I've been intentionally ignoring anyone, simply been very busy.  My wife and I made a decision that we were going to ease back a little and enjoy the summer.  We wanted to take more time off and go places.  And while it hasn't worked out so far like we'd have liked it to, we were able to get away to Ocean City, MD for a while and take in the sites.  And it was worth every penny.

The house is  in the process of being sold and we've since moved out into an apartment (nice one to be sure) on the 3rd floor.  Talking about huffing and puffing on the day of the move out.  95 degree weather almost 100%humidity, I was hurting.  Finally after 3 days (we took our time) everything was there and the old house was cleaned up.  To be honest though, I wasn't prepared for what happened next.

It was the adjustment period.  I mean, I knew it would take some time adjusting but it was hard.  Hard to leave the house where steph was born, where Fernando got his first laptop; the memories, the fights, the moments of Stephanie's firsts - all of it we had to leave.  Leaving a one floor 3 bedroom house to go to a 2nd floor apartment with 2 bedrooms.  I think it was hard for everyone - stress, well there was plenty of that.  Home created as well as work created.

But now, things have calmed down.  We've gotten back into the swing of the things, but it's amazing the difference an apartment complex brings.  Playground equipment, pool - let's just say Steph is spoiled.

Update later.