I love being married. It's been everything and nothing like I'd thought it would be. Companionship alone is such a hard experiment sometimes. Two people with completely different sides, yet so much alike, living under one roof. Total chaos.
One of the unexpected side benefits is when your partner sees things in you that you can't. At first it can be annoying, or easily dismissed. Great part about it is you're forced to take a step back and reexamine yourself. Can I really be that much of a jerk?
The answer today was yes. Without even realizing it, I'd was told I was a bear on the rampage. Now granted, if you're Hispanic, you don't use those terms. But through the translation, the message was clear - something was bothering me and I needed to figure it out.
It's been almost five months since I lost my job. The challenges I've recently faced are brand new to me, and I don't always realize how much of an impact it has. I've applied, interview, applied, researched, taken personality tests, and applied again, only to face a constant stream of rejection. Overqualified, make too much money, not exactly what we're looking for - you get the picture.
Today it came to a helm. I'm sure you've been there - someone cuts you off, you get mad. Fortunately things didn't get out of hand. But it stopped me cold - something was wrong, and now even I could see it. So I came home, apologized to my wife for what it seems the 11 millionth time, and said a quick prayer to God, begging him to fix this mess in my life.
I wish I could tell you what exactly is wrong. I can't, but man I FEEL off. I've slowed down, remove some time wasters and created new habits. I began walking in the morning (2 days straight so far, so yeah I just started). Eating a little healthier, cut out soda, and even decided on a new career.
There's a flip side to that you now. Judgment day is coming. Pretty soon the cushion I had will fall away and the reality of unemployment will sit in. Well even more so now than before. How can I apply for so many jobs and experience so little response.
It's all a man can do to stay sane.
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